Couples Therapy

Couples therapy: you are not the problem, the cycle is.

Most couples who come in are not short on love. They are stuck in a loop that neither of them can step out of alone, and by the time they sit down, both are usually tired from trying.

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If you recognize this, you are in the right place.

Couples rarely arrive because of one dramatic event. They arrive because the same moment keeps happening and they are tired of it.

The conversation underneath the argument.

We slow the cycle down far enough that both of you can see its shape. Then we look at what each of you is carrying into those moments, what you are protecting, and what you actually need.

Is this for you?

The patterns I see most

  • The same argument keeps coming up, even when the details change.
  • One of you pushes for a conversation, the other goes quiet, and you both leave hurt.
  • Roommates in a functioning household, with affection drifting further out of reach.
Read the rest of this list
  • A breach of trust you are trying to rebuild from, and no clear map for how.
  • An in-law situation that has quietly become a third person in the marriage.

"At least let me see a male therapist."

Sometimes one partner is ready for couples therapy before the other. For some men, the idea of talking with another man makes taking that first step feel a little easier.

Read the rest of this note

As a male couples therapist, I understand that you may each come into the room with different levels of comfort, different perspectives on the relationship, and even different ideas about whether therapy will help. My role isn't to take sides. It's to understand both of you and help you understand the pattern you're getting caught in together.

The work

What we'll work on

  • Communication that gets somewhere

    Learning to say the hard thing without it becoming the same fight you have already had forty times, and to hear it without immediately preparing your defense.

  • The cycle you get stuck in

    Usually one of you moves toward the problem and one moves away from it. Neither position is wrong, and the loop runs itself once it starts. Naming it out loud is what makes it interruptible.

Read the rest: trust, in-laws, premarital work and discernment

  • Trust, betrayal and repair

    Rebuilding after an affair or a breach, and the smaller disappointments that have quietly added up over years. Both are real, and both need to be said out loud before anything changes.

  • In-laws, money, parenting and time

    The practical surface where most recurring arguments live. These are rarely about the dishwasher. They are about respect, priorities and who gets to decide. We'll work to understand what's underneath the conflict and find ways to navigate those differences together.

  • Premarital work

    The conversations most couples have after the wedding: money, family, sex, children, and what each of you expects the other to become. Better before than later. See premarital counseling.

  • Discernment, when the answer is not obvious

    Some couples genuinely do not know whether to stay. If that is where you are, we will look at it honestly rather than assuming the answer is yes.

Two upholstered armchairs angled toward each other across a low pale wooden table, one with a folded grey throw over its arm, and a single speckled mug on the table between them.

Free consultation

Still deciding together? Thirty minutes, no fee, and no obligation to book anything afterwards.

Schedule your free 30-minute consultation

How sessions work

How couples therapy works.

Couples therapy is about understanding what's happening between you, not deciding who is right.

We'll pay attention to the patterns that show up when things get difficult: who pursues, who pulls away, what each of you is reacting to, and what may be happening underneath those reactions.

Most of our work will happen together as a couple. There may be times when meeting individually is helpful, but the relationship remains the focus of our work.

Read how I work with the cycle, individual sessions and the practical shape

Understanding what's underneath the cycle.

I use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help us understand what's happening beneath each person's reactions. There may be a part of you that presses for an answer because distance feels like being left, while your partner has a part that shuts down because conflict feels overwhelming.

Those reactions usually make sense when we understand what's underneath them. Instead of seeing each other as the problem, you can begin to recognize the pattern you're both getting caught in, understand what each of you is protecting, and learn to respond to each other differently.

Experience matters, too

I've worked with individuals and couples for more than fourteen years, including twelve years at Redeemer Counseling Services in New York. I've worked with couples at many different stages: dating and premarital couples, couples navigating major transitions, couples caught in longstanding patterns, and couples trying to rebuild trust or connection.

Sometimes couples already have a good understanding of what's going wrong but still find themselves falling into the same pattern. Insight matters, but the work is also about learning how to respond differently when that pattern shows up.

Sometimes an individual session can help.

There may be times during couples therapy when it is helpful for me to meet individually with each of you. These sessions are still part of the couples work and aren't a shift into individual therapy.

Because the couple is my client, I don't use individual sessions to hold ongoing secrets that affect the relationship or the work we're doing together. We'll talk about this policy at the beginning of therapy so both of you understand how individual conversations are handled.

Practical shape

50 minutes, online, both of you on the call. Weekly at the start if you can manage it, because momentum matters more early on. Weekday daytime and evening times are available, and there are no weekend sessions.

Quick facts about how sessions work
  • You can be in two different rooms, or on one sofa. Both work.
  • PREPARE/ENRICH, the structured couples assessment, is available when you want a more mapped version of the work.
  • Nothing you say is passed on to anyone outside the two of you, with the legal exceptions I explain at the start.
  • If it turns out you need a different kind of help, I will tell you early rather than after six months of sessions.

Common questions

The things couples ask before they book.

My partner doesn't want to come. Can I start alone?

If your partner isn't ready for couples therapy, we can talk during the consultation about what you're looking for and what would make the most sense. Individual therapy can still be helpful when you're struggling in a relationship, but individual therapy and couples therapy are different forms of treatment, and we'll want to be clear about which one we're beginning.

Will you take one person's side?

My role isn't to decide who is right or wrong. I want to understand each person's experience and help you recognize what's happening between you.

That doesn't mean I'll avoid naming something that is hurting the relationship. If one of you is being treated poorly or a particular behavior needs to be addressed, I'll be direct about it. The goal isn't to assign blame. It's to help both of you understand what's happening and determine what needs to change.

Can we do this if we are not sure we want to stay together?

Yes, and it is better to say that out loud in the first session than to sit in it silently. I am not here to talk anyone into staying. Discernment work is honest work: we look at what is actually happening, and you both get to make a real decision rather than a tired one.

Wondering about cost, insurance or how long this takes? The fees page and the FAQ page answer all of that properly.

If one of you would rather start with individual work, the men's therapy page explains how that goes, and premarital counseling covers the season before marriage. For the pattern itself, read why couples keep having the same argument, and when you are ready, book the free 30-minute consultation.

Start with a conversation, not a commitment.

I offer a free 30-minute consultation by phone or video. It's a chance for me to hear a little about what's bringing you in, for you both to ask questions, and for us to get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit. There's no obligation to schedule a first session afterward.

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